& Don"t worry, because you can never hate me as much as i hate myself...

Yeah, i cut myself, smoke, drink, pop pills, do pot, and attmepted suicide.
but im scared of death.

yeah ive been abused by my parents, physically and emotinally
but when the doctor tole me if i make it to 30, im lucky
i cried. is that normal?

i have to find a hiding place inside my own skin. and it scares me.
i cant be myself. not even when im alone.
because im ashamed of myself.

would it matter at all?

Its so hard for me too open up, i mean when i try i feel like people wont care. 
so i act hard, like i dont care. but inside. im breaking & i dont know no how much longer i can stand it.
i wanted to talk to you, for the firdt time, i came up to you to talk and you blew me off.
i thought we were best friends?
you were my accountibility partner.
it dosnt matter anymore, i dont matter anymore.


"if i wasn't here tomorrow 
Would anybody care
If my time was up I wanna know
You were happy I was there
If I wasn't here tomorrow 
Would anyone lose sleep
If I wasn't hard and hollow

then maybe you would miss me"

Tonight

Tonight was a horrible end to a great day. after everything we did together, my mom had to ruin it.
you couldn't even look, because it hurt so much you so much.

to tell you the truth, everytime i think of killing myself, i think of you.
i know im gonna miss our walks
and jack in the box with you.
and everything we do.

No matter how much i hate myself and my life, i love you way to much to leave you.

i love you Lauren<3
you are my best friend.

I Want To Be Beautiful Too.

i though i could be strong, but its killing me,
does anyone hear my cry?