It' s been a while. Eh?

Sigh, Christmas won't be the same.
I lost some good friends.
Made some shitty ones.
Fell in love.
Got my heart broken.

I want to go home.
back to Bosnia.
Where I won't have to see everyone who broke my heart.
and where i won't have to be reminded constantly of the Monster that I've become.
Who woulda thought that 2010 would bring out someone i never thought i'd become.
High School dosent change you.
It's just that you think that your gonna change, so you make yourself change.
You let boys/girls play with your hear and emotions.
than do something stupid because of them.
When i bet you would forget who they are in a few years.

Life just overall sucks at this point.
i havent smoked in well over 2 weeks.
which is a big thing for me.
i havent even had the urge to smoke.
Alcohol is just a thing that seems like a distant memory.
It seems like... nothing matters.

I had a friend tell me "ohmygosh, i just cried so much"
that's when i realized, i don't CARE enough about ANYTHING to even cry about it.
i mean, i couldnt care any less.
and that scares me.
does that mean that im back to old Mejra?
the Mejra i HATED!?
i hope not :/

Then one of my friends die?
right when im REALLY trying to be a better person?
What are you DOING TO ME GOD!?

Well, i know this was all over the place, just wanted to get all my feelings out.