When She Cries.

So my life today was Different? I had my best friend sleep over, for the first time in six years, i lost my 20 day streak, i got in a fight with the loves of my life
But in the end none of it matters. because i lost my way with God. It really sucks. but it's the decision that changed my lifee. one of the poems that "helped" me back to cutting and away from Christ is called

                                                                          "A Girl"

there once was a girl who always wore dark clothes, she was hurt she was broken, her begining included many blows, and to add to her pain, she cut her wrist. Some thought she was insane but it was just to her sweet bliss. She was always misunderstood. no one ever tried to be her friend. it wasnt as if she wanted to, she could for her heart was too far to mend. Her parents didnt know what to do, they were NO use, and it didnt help that her childhood involved much abuse. to her life was without life, nothing ever seemed to end up well. but one thing she could not fight, her blade became addicting and her arm began to swell.
So her cuts got deeper, her blood ran dark until at last to ease her pain, she drove the knife through her battered and bruised heart"

but something amazing that i learned after?
"But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you? 

Yeah don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made, 

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade."

- you are more

tenth avenue north.

That song really got me through it. i gotta say im heartbroken, but im really trying.

"She's pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, "Maybe making me bleed,
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."

Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She wonders why,
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
That song is me to the bone.