My Testimony.

my parents fought all the time, non stop,, and i didnt know what to do, i wasnt close to my parents, so i didnt even care, much, my dad abused me, mentally and physiclly for almost all my life. and i didnt know what to do. my mom knew and i was scared to tell ... well anyone? so i cut myself. starting in 2nd or 3rd grade, adn i hid all my pain, until 6th grade. i just didnt care anymore. i slit my arm, i popped 100 pills, i hung myself but nothing worked, i jumped off a highway, nothing. so finally i decided i was going to shoot myself, but i couldnt.
every day i would come home from school and be scared to be hit, or made fun of by my mom dad or brother, so i started smokeing weed. i forgot things, but not enough things so i started drinking to help forget more. and i became the thing, i promise myself i would never do, i broke my own heart and have been for the last few years.



I lost all my sence of respect and care for God, i thought he hated me and that he wanted me to die.

I stopped beliveing people Loved me.



I became a cutter. a addict to weed and drinking. and i became heartbroken.



after about a year of feeling that way, i was walking home from school and some guy... took my innocence away. he raped me.

so i decided that, that was my sign saying

GOD.HATES.YOU.MEJRA!

so i decided that night would be the end

but my brother knew something was up

he didnt let me out of his sight.



when my mom and brother found out i cut, they mocked me , and they hated me, my mom wanted to kick me out. they both stopped talking to me. my dad laughed at me when he walked into my room and saw me cutting. some of my "friends" stopped talking to me

It made me want to kill myself more.


The past few months have been struggles to get over:

Drugs

Cutting

Homosexuality

and

Porn addictions.



I fell in love with God again, it was hard, and sometimes i feel alone, but when i do i know God put people in my life, and that was him saying he did care and he would ALWAYS be there for me



My two best friends, are the people i would have never thought i would be friends with, became my friends.



The day before Project freshman, a close-ish friend killed himself, and i died inside, i told God i needed a sign he cared about me, he didnt give me one, so i cut myself horribley, and wore a jacket through almost all of project freshman(it was like 100 degees or more the whole week) i Asked God to give me a sign he still cared about me, that night the "everything" skit was played, the next morning a heard a Testimony that changed my life.

Lauren and I started talking to each other about talking to the person who gave his testimony, i didnt want to but she did, so i went with her, i ended up, getting his number and pouring my heart out to him.. He broke my heart the right way, and got through to me..

But. i dont belive in God anymore.
my friends and family are right
he's not there.