So me and my best friend made up. at first i didn't want him back in, i pushed him out, i deleted him and almost blocked his number, but something inside me knew i would regret it in the morning, so after a long talk, starting at Summer Studies, where i completely was rude to him, then to yogolait where i couldn't face him alone, i had to use my blade before i could talk to him, so with bloody wrists i talked to him, not really anything important, it was more like starting over. then we texted, i told him about the blades and how i cut before i talked to him, how he scares me, and how i needed him to yell at me, or call me a bad name, but he wouldn't , i told him not to lie to me and tell me how he really feels. he told me " hurt me all you want, and that he loves me unconditionally and nothing would change that" even after that i ignore him and bitched at him, but i finally came to my senses, i know i cant live without talking to him, i told him to stop texting me but after like 5 or 10 minutes, i needed him to text me. i cant lie to him and it only hurts him when i tell him the truth. but if i lie to him, i will never forgive myself, i told myself i wouldn't forgive him, but i did, he broke me, in a good way(:
But i finally understood how HE feels when i cut, how he hurts, and that makes me want to change even more.
"if HE brings you to it, HE'LL bring you through it<3"
ha, now i just need to tell him the FULL truth.
LORD know's that's never gonna happen.
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